You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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