I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
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