we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
