So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
