For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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