Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
So squirting runs in the family.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
