Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
