final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
