I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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