It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
