the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so let's talk penis.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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