forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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