Duck Duck Cougar?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
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