So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
