I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
