Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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