I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
