tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
