I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
