Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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