this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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