i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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