i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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