a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
