only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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