I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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