I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
