hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
