my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
