and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
