Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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