you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
