i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
