im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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