You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
