Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
