We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
