also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
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