he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
