Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize