We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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