My sheets look like a crime scene.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
