just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
