You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
