need another drink. this is the easiest way
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
