I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
