fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
