I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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