yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
