She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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