I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
