Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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