I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
