I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
