you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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