this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
