I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
