dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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