make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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