I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
