The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
