Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
