Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
