I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
