I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
