and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
