I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
