bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
