I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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