I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
she was so not down for the gang bang
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
did you just send me my own nude
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