The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
