He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
