Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
