i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
