If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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