Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
