i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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