girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
